Photography by Brenna Burrows Photography
Meet Danielle. She is Beauty Revived.
I was beyond excited to bring our first baby into the world. We found out we were having a girl and named her Leslie. At twenty-six weeks I hadn’t felt her move much and wondered if I should be worried. Many tears were shed that day as I tried to feel her move around. I decided to call our midwife the following morning. I dreaded calling and looked at my phone for several minutes before I made myself call. I was to come to the hospital as soon as I had finished eating breakfast. I remember laying there as the nurse searched for my baby’s heartbeat. I just stared up at the ceiling tiles. I knew.
I cried hard: so hard. I looked up from my husband’s hug to find tears flowing down his face. What now? I was filled with fear as I realized that I was going to have to deliver and bury my baby all in such a short time. I remember looking out the window. I saw the sun shining in and felt its warmth. It was God’s warmth. Instantly I felt whole. The pain I felt inside was matched by the love I felt from God.
The next day I gave birth to our sweet, unbreathing child. She was perfect. I felt mixed emotions. I wanted so much to hear her cry, to see her move, but was feeling gratitude to be a part of her short life. As her mother, I alone, knew her in this life. She is my precious white rose that I chose in the garden in Heaven, knowing that she would be with me for only a short time.
I was afraid to leave the hospital because I knew that once I got home, reality would hit. I would have to take down the crib that we so excitedly set up. I would realize there would be no baby crawling on the floor of our apartment. My baby was gone. I was left with a chubby, saggy, swollen body. Feelings of engorgement, a cramping uterus, and sore back were all constant reminders of my motionless daughter.
As the weeks went by I felt that I didn’t need to let myself cry anymore. I was wrong. One day at church I saw multiple pregnant women and I felt a tinge of jealousy and hurt. Tears filled my eyes as I quickly left the building. I missed my daughter so much. After several minutes of crying, my husband got me into the car and we drove to a park. He sat down while I laid there with my head on his lap. I closed my eyes and felt the warm sun on my body. I remembered the sun that shone into the hospital window that day we found out our daughter had passed away. I remembered the peace and love that we felt. I felt it again. My heart was turned to God once more. I knew He loved me.
A while later my “mom” heart yearned for another child. I felt Leslie’s love as I thought about getting pregnant again. She was letting me know that I was not betraying her by wanting another baby. Before we knew it, we were at our first ultrasound, once again. I was so scared. We were sent to a specialist who would be able to tell us if our next baby would have the same genetic issues that our first daughter had. I could feel my heart pounding so hard that I swear I could hear it. Was I going to see this baby breathe? Would I be able to take her home with me? Yes. One year after losing Leslie our little Aspen came into this world. Crying. Breathing. Moving.
I love my white rose and rainbow baby.
About the Photographer
My name is Brenna and I am a wedding/portrait photographer based in Southern Utah. I love being in the heart of beautiful Utah, it makes for amazing backdrops! I have wanted to be a photographer for as long as I can remember. My mom gave me my first camera when I was 8 years old and I haven’t stopped shooting since.